so much for american bandstand

[jfb]

A while ago I entered one of those song contests--persuaded mostly by Russell's argument that, well, somebody's got to win them. Long story short: Somebody else. But what I'd forgotten was that this one promised a written evaluation from an "industry pro". Today it showed up in the mail, and for some reason I thought it would be fun to share it.

There were two main criticisms of my song "By Your Side". The first was that I chose the wrong title. No argument there. The second was that each section--verses, chorus, bridge--"seems like a completely different story." This one took me by surprise--unlike a lot of my songs, there's never been a question in my mind that "By Your Side" tells a single, simple story.

But there are gaps in the story--something I always like, because it leaves room for a hypothetical dedicated listener to make the story their own. The industry pro, on the other hand, writes that a radio or performance audience "will encounter a lot of distractions, so don't make them work so hard"--a fair point. Also, I think I made a tactical error in giving a major character a name more commonly associated in most listeners' minds with a large American city.

On the bright side, I got very high marks for prosody.

Comments

[perci.livejournal.com]

It disturbs me that there's not a lot of difference between what your industry pro said and what college writing teachers automatically say about pretty much every unpublished piece of writing they see.

[jfb.livejournal.com]

I was also advised to focus on concrete imagery.